All of You
by girlgonemadd
Summary: Rodney's acting happy, John's sure there's something wrong. Slash.


Disclaimers: Not mine (WHAAAAAA)  
Beta'd: Yes! Many thanks to ShadowSprite, WolfnJag, and CMOLauretta for putting up with my erratic schedule and for giving this story the polish it desperately needed.  
Spoilers: None  
Feedback: Love it.  
Warning: Song fic, mushy stuff between guys

>>>>>>

"Out of the way! Out of the way!" McKay's laughing voice called out just in time to clear a path through the Athosian village as he and three children sped by on a device that hovered just over the ground.

"What the hell?" Major Sheppard sidestepped just in time to avoid a collision and watched as the group took a sharp turn and tipped over into a pile of freshly cut grass. The device, something that looked remarkably like a hover board, simply bounced in place and lowered to the ground, waiting for its driver to return.

Racing up, Sheppard was shocked to hear the laughter.

"Is everyone - is everyone all right?" McKay was laughing so hard he could barely talk.

"That was great, Dr. McKay!" Palda was all of seven and beaming from ear to ear.

"Can we go again?" Another boy around Palda's age, Oden, cried out excitedly.

"Again! Again!" Chanted Aria, her straight, dark hair bouncing around her joy-filled face.

"Children, I need to have a few words with Dr. McKay." Sheppard felt his blood pressure rising and watched in disbelief as the children pouted at their fun' being disrupted.

"Do we have to?" Oden whined.

"Dr. McKay?" Aria looked up with her large, brown eyes.

"It's all right, I'll catch up with you in a few minutes." McKay insisted, one hand reaching out to tousle Palda's rather wavy hair, the other gently picking a stay flower from Aria's hair. He knelt down and gave it to her. "This is for you."

The child beamed at him, taking the gift. "Thank you." Then she raced off after the two boys as McKay stood up, looking on with something close to affection on his face.

Sheppard could only stare. The last time McKay had been around children, he'd made them cry. He had then proceeded to rant about how the little ingrates had broken his foot after the team had saved their planet from the Wraith.

"What's so important you had to interrupt my research, Major?"

"Research! Is that what you've been doing all day? Because it looked more like you endangering the Athosian children" Sheppard was furious.

"Don't be ridiculous, we weren't going that fast and I taught them the proper rolling techniques, if we crashed. And, as you yourself witnessed, they performed them admirably. Again. Now if you don't mind, I have staff to rejoin."

"Again! How many times have you fallen off?"

McKay shook his head as he retrieved the hover board'. "I've lost count."

"You're going to see Dr. Beckett right now. Obviously you must have hit your head the first time around."

"What's wrong with you Major? Do you have a problem with someone having a little fun?"

"We'll just see what Dr. Weir has to say about your definition of fun'!"

>>>>>>>

Walking into the infirmary, Major Sheppard and Dr. Weir were unprepared to find McKay spinning around on one of the chairs while engaging in a lively conversation with Dr. Beckett. The easy, open smile was one the scientist rarely offered to anyone. The last time Weir had seen it had been when Sheppard tossed McKay over the balcony to show off the Ancient Personal Shield.

" - would be great, especially for morale!"

"I don't know, Rodney - ah Dr. Weir, there you are."

"Elizabeth!" McKay stood up and gave her an affectionate peck on the cheek. "We've been considering putting together a musical band. What do you think?"

Weir wasn't sure how to respond to such an enthusiastic, happy McKay. "That sounds interesting Rodney, do you play?"

"The piano, a little. Would you consider singing?"

"Trust me, no one wants to hear me sing. How are you feeling Rodney?"

"Great. If it's all right with you, Elizabeth, I'd like to return to the Athosian village. I promised Halling I'd read the children a bedtime story tonight."

"Dr. Beckett?" Sheppard demanded.

Beckett shook his head. "It will take a few days to get some of the test results back, but so far I haven't been able to find anything wrong."

"And that's my cue to leave. It's been nice Carson," McKay said as he jumped up and headed for the door. At the door he paused, "catch you at breakfast tomorrow?"

"I'd like that Rodney." Once McKay was gone, Beckett shook his head at the looks he was receiving. "I can't explain it. Perhaps he's going through a mid-life crisis or reliving his childhood for the first time."

"Perhaps he should see the psychiatrist."

Weir couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Major, I realize Rodney's not acting like himself but that doesn't have to mean there's a nefarious purpose behind his behavior. And if there were, don't you think making Rodney happy would be the last thing involved in any enemy plot to overthrow Atlantis?"

"If you happen to recall, McKay is on my team and I make a point of getting to know all my team mates. This is not McKay." The Major told them insistently.

"Begging your pardon Major, perhaps you don't know Rodney as well as you'd like to believe." Beckett told him.

>>>>>>

Meeting up with McKay in his quarters a short time later, Sheppard was immediately struck by the drawings littering the room. Various types of musical instruments were sketched out in precise detail along with detailed suggestions regarding material and production

"Did you draw these?" Sheppard was impressed.

"Is there something you wanted, Major?" McKay asked curtly, changing the subject as he busily watered a potted plant on the night stand.

Oh yes, McKay was ticked off at him. "What's with the vegetation?"

"It's a science experiment." The words were clipped and short.

"Did you loose a bet?" Surprise struck the Major as a flash of hurt crossed the scientist's face.

"Did you come here for a reason, Major, or did you just want someone to pick on?"

This was wrong, Sheppard thought to himself as he watched the walls shoot up. McKay wasn't normally this touchy and enjoyed their exchange of insults and barbs as much as he did. He could understand McKay being ticked off for being dragging in for an exam but, he should have understood that Sheppard was just looking out for him. That the scientist didn't understand only made it more likely that something was wrong.

"I'll be shuttling you out to the mainland tonight."

"To keep an eye on me." Those blue eyes sparkled with accusation.

"McKay - "

"Save it, Major. I'd rather not hear why you believe it's impossible for me to be happy." Those blue eyes flared with anger and hurt as Rodney used his gene to trigger the door to open. "I'll be ready to leave at 1800 hours."

"Great." Sheppard snapped and left the room. He didn't believe McKay couldn't be happy. Did he?

>>>>>

"What's that you're looking at?" Sheppard asked as he flew himself, McKay, and Ford to the mainland that evening. After their encounter earlier in the day, Sheppard was hoping to mend things between them.

"Blueprints." McKay muttered absently, pointing something out to Ford and speaking softly.

"Blueprints to what?" It sounded innocent enough, though Sheppard felt a hot stab in his gut when Lt. Ford laughed at something the Canadian muttered. It's nothing, nothing at all,' he chastised himself.

"It's a surprise for the Athosian children." Ford explained.

"Ah - more child endangerment projects?" The goading slipped out. Sheppard had grown so used to their arguing that it was almost automatic.

"Haha. Actually, it's the plans for a tree house, if you must know."

A tree house. With all the projects McKay was responsible for, he was drawing up designs for a tree house? Sheppard still wasn't convinced everything was fine, especially after their earlier encounter, but he was starting to get the idea, from McKay's actions, that his participation in any fun' activities wasn't welcome. For some reason that hurt.

"That sounds great. The kids will love it."

Almost tentatively McKay took the co-pilot seat and smiled shyly, no longer angry with him. Had Sheppard ever seen him smile like that, and why did it get his heart beating wildly? McKay then launched into the plans about the tree house. As with anything McKay turned his obsessive mind to, the plans were worked out in explicit detail. But more than that, his face was lit up with excitement as it only seemed to do when he found a new Ancient device. Fun in the McKay handbook had been figuring out 10,000 year old mysteries. It seemed he was rewriting his own book.

"Major?" McKay asked.

Quickly reviewing the conversation, Sheppard nodded. "I'd like to help." That earned him a rare, open, and dazzling smile that did the most peculiar things to Sheppard. He wanted to make the scientist smile like that all the time.

That night, Sheppard watched as an animated, enthusiastic McKay told stories around the campfire. The children hung onto his every word. Some people could tell stories, but it took a special someone to be a storyteller. From the look on everyone's faces, McKay had that touch.

The flickering shadows, warmth from the fire, sparkling stars, and enthralling words of the story moved something inside Sheppard's heart. After the story was finished, little Emie launched herself at McKay, who picked up the child and touched their foreheads together as was the Athosian custom. Sheppard realized he was completely lost. This side of McKay was affecting him more than he could have imagined and the once snarky, irritating scientist was stealing his heart away without even realizing it.

>>>>>

Two weeks later and Sheppard had no doubt he was head over heels in love with McKay. During that time the scientist had enlisted nearly everyone on Atlantis to participate in some manner on the tree house project. Caught up in McKay's contagious enthusiasm, everyone had offered their free time. The work had moved surprisingly fast, finishing up just two days ago.

Now Sheppard watched as yet another project was getting underway. Working in the large room used for the mess hall, a stage had already been constructed and the sound system put in place only hours before.

The blood tests Dr. Beckett had run came back negative and it was determined that if McKay wanted to build tree houses and start a band, no one was going to stop him as long as it didn't interfere with his work.

Sheppard was almost ashamed to say he looked for something on every single mission that might suggest something was wrong, but McKay's work was as concise and thorough as ever. What was missing was the snark, and further attempts by Sheppard to argue with McKay only resulted in hurt looks instead of sharp rebuttals. Not wanting to see that expression, Sheppard stopped, even though a part of him missed their previous battle of wits.

From his hidden corner of the room, Sheppard watched as McKay fiddled with the sound system. At this hour of the night there was no one else in the room. McKay stood, cracking his back before turning the system on and taking the microphone in hand. The room was then filled with a rich baritone voice as he started singing.

("Just to Hear You Say")

>>If I could win your heart  
You'd let me in your heart  
I'd be so happy, baby  
Just for these arms to be  
Holding you close to me  
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't try  
No limit to what I'd do to make you mine, 'cause

I'd climb right up to the sky  
I'd take down the stars  
Just to be in your arms, baby  
I'd go and capture the moon  
That's what I would do  
Just to hear you say that you love me  
Just to hear you say that you love me

If I could taste your kiss  
There'd be no sweeter gift  
Heaven could offer, baby (oh, baby)  
I want to be the one (I want to be the one)  
Living to give you love  
I'd walk across this world just to be  
Close to you 'cause I want you close to me, yeah>>

There was longing and want in those words as McKay sang. Only when the Canadian paused did Sheppard realize he'd stepped out towards the stage, heart beating so loudly he was certain it could be heard all over the city. McKay had never given any indication of having feelings for him or being interested in men and the Major feared this could blow up in his face.

But that shy smile crossed McKay's face as he stepped down off the stage and crossed the room, making Sheppard's knees grow weak.

>>I'd climb right up to the sky  
I'd take down the stars  
Just to be in your arms, baby  
I'd go and capture the moon  
That's what I would do  
Just to hear you say that you love me  
Just to hear you say that you love me

For the rest of your life (for the rest of your life)  
Love me for the rest of all time (oh baby, baby)  
Just say the word and I'll give you my world  
There's nothing I won't do, baby, just to be with you

I'd climb right up to the sky  
Take down the stars  
Just to be in your arms, baby  
I'd go and capture the moon  
That's what I would do  
Just to hear you say that you love me  
Just to hear you say that you love me, baby  
Just to hear you say that you love me

Oh, I need to hear you say that you love me, baby  
Just to hear you say that you love me  
Just say you love me  
Just say you need me  
Just to hear you say that you love me . . .>>

The last was whispered, warm breath fanning Sheppard's face, eyes expressing a mixture of desire, hope and even love. Reaching out to offer a kiss, a mere brushing of lips, it was impossible how the entire world faded and his heart felt as if it might split in two with all he was feeling. A feeling Sheppard couldn't keep to himself.

"I love you."

_/Song by Faith Hill/_

>>>>>>

Blushes and shy looks had turned to pants of want and moans of pleasure. Sheppard had no idea how they ended up in McKay's quarters or when they'd stripped off their clothes. There was only the sensation of skin on skin, shudders of delight and caresses that threatened to unglue the very fabric of time and space.

"Love you, love you, love you. Beautiful. So damn beautiful, Rodney." Sheppard whispered hoarsely, moving inside the responsive lover below him. There was so much emotion in those expressive eyes it was almost painful but Sheppard couldn't fathom an existence outside of here and now.

Large hands stroked his trembling arms and back in an attempt to soothe some of the edge away. "Love you too, John. For so long. Won't ever let you go, I've got you now."

"Swear it!" It was a plea of desperation. Sheppard's world was trembling at the weight of this experience, at this intimacy he'd never experienced before. It felt as if McKay had climbed right into his soul.

"Swear. I swear John. I won't ever let you go."

The certainty and determination in those words were all it took and Sheppard felt himself flying over the world, suspended momentarily by a blinding white light. In the distance he heard his name shouted as a warm wetness spread between their bodies.

As the aftershocks of their orgasms began to dissipate, Sheppard reached out greedily for another kiss, then nibbled on a sweat-slicked neck. McKay laughed breathlessly, one hand moving through tousled hair and resting on Sheppard's cheek, moving him back in for another soul-shattering kiss. "You make me feel whole John. Make me feel so damn much."

The kissing continued and with a little maneuvering, they fell asleep in each other's arms, connected and content.

A few hours later, Sheppard woke up and smiled at the sight of the sleeping man in his arms. Carefully maneuvering himself off the bed, he headed for the bathroom. He was feeling a bit stiff and sore, but happily so. Taking care of business, he headed back and paused, leaning against the wall to watch McKay sleep. So beautiful, brave, and smart. The thought that all of it was his gave him a quiet thrill. Never before had he felt this sense of intimacy with anyone else, nor the desire to find himself waking up to the same scene, the same person asleep in his bed day after day. With McKay, he wanted all of that. While the thought was frightening, he knew McKay would help soothe those concerns away.

A movement by the bed made him start and he watched in horrid fascination as the plant on the night stand opened it's single flower and expelled a fine mist over the bed and McKay. The flower then closed up and a giggle filled the room, emanating from the sleeping man.

In that one gut-wrenching moment Sheppard realized he'd been right all along and his entire world fell apart before his eyes.

>>>>>>

"You said the tests had come back negative!" Sheppard was livid as he confronted Dr. Beckett.

"Major Sheppard, we're dealing with substances not seen before in our world. All the standard tests came back negative, but the pollen produced by the flower is something I've never encountered before. It's affect on the brain mimicked a natural endorphin high. It may well have been something the Ancients used to treat depression." Dr. Beckett offered, but he could see the words gave little comfort to the Major.

"What the hell was he doing with that plant, anyways?"

Beckett sighed, exhausted as he sat down. "Dr. Hayashi, our resident Botanist, was conducting experiments on the Ancient plants left in the city. Some of the plants were in a state of hibernation and began to grow again. Dr. Hayashi was reassigned to the mainland to catalog the native plant life there and asked several people to assist with his experiments. Rodney was simply helping him out."

Finding himself pacing, Sheppard forced himself to stop and ask the question that he dreaded. "How's Rodney doing?"

"Rodney's resting comfortably now that most of the drug has cleared his system. He doesn't recall much of what happened these last several weeks. Dr. Weir has made certain all the plants have been taken to quarantine until further notice."

"He doesn't remember." Sheppard whispered and realized Beckett was watching him. "Thank you for your update, Dr. Beckett. Please let me know if his condition changes." The words lacked any substance. They were merely rote phrases that tumbled out without much thought. It was automatic and without feeling. Nothing felt real, he didn't feel real. He was just a hollowed out shell that didn't realize death had come and gone. Carefully Sheppard turned, left the infirmary, and just began walking.

>>>>>>>

"I think it's dead." McKay's voice filled the silence between shots. In the outer arms of the city, on an observation deck that overlooked what could have been a large amphitheater, he found Major Sheppard.

Sheppard refused to turn around, refused to see the lack of emotions on the other man's face, the same man he had bared his soul to. How was he supposed to act like he didn't care now? How was he supposed to be near McKay without his pain showing? Reloading the 9mm, he took aim at the potted plant that was the cause of his woes and emptied yet another clip into what was left of the battered vegetation.

"Is it helping?"

"Go away." Sheppard sighed wearily, wishing the Canadian would just leave him alone. Why was he here?

"Listen Major, I didn't spend most of the day tracking you all over this city just to waste the rest of the night watching you obliterate defenseless house plants. Now let's go to bed."

The 9mm shook in his hand, his vision blurring unexpectedly. "What?" It wasn't possible. McKay had lost his memories, had no recollection of what had happened between them. He was probably just following orders from Weir.

"Or maybe you prefer making love to sickly sweet and deliriously blissful versus defiantly arrogant and ingeniously snarky."

Sharp prickles raced over Sheppard's arms and he turned to see anger, defensiveness, and accusation written all over McKay's face. Behind that was the hope he'd seen previously in the mess hall. Before McKay could react, Sheppard leapt forward and pinned him up against the wall, lips sucking and hands grasping as if needing a lifeline to hold onto.

"You remember!" He grounded out, nipping at the stubborn chin, licking at the sensitive flesh just under those unbelievably delicate ears. Lightheaded from shock and desire, his body shook almost violently and a babble of words were punctuated by dotted kisses along an exposed neck. "I've missed you so much! Missed our disagreements, missed your sarcastic remarks, missed that sharp temper and formidable wit." No one had ever turned him into a babbling puddle of quivering emotions before this and Sheppard doubted anyone else ever could.

Hands large and warm cupped his face and made him look up to find McKay's eyes were none too dry either. "John - " He gasped, the broken word all he could manage.

"All of you." Sheppard pleaded, pressing into McKay's hand.

"Huh?" There was a hot desire in that confused look, a look that Sheppard loved.

"I can't choose a part of you Rodney, I want all of you."

"Really?"

The disbelief mixed with awe nearly did Sheppard in, wondering who had made McKay doubt himself. He made a silent promise to himself and his lover that he would spend every day making him believe he was worthy of being loved.

"Really, really. Didn't a very hot and sexy astrophysicist mention something about a bed?" Lips met in a heated, sloppy kiss until both were breathless.

"Hmm. Bed. Yes." Those blue eyes were wide and hungry. "John, I want to be in you."

The words sent all the blood racing south and Sheppard heard himself growling. "Keep saying things like that Rodney and we're never going to make it to a bed."

"Then we better hurry." They headed down the hall, shoulder to shoulder. "Because there are all kinds of things I'd like to say to you."

"Such as?" Sheppard was laughing with joy now.

McKay swung around to look at the Major, the lust replaced by seriousness. "I meant what I said before, John. It wasn't that damn plant making me say those things. I've loved you for a very long time."

Stopping in the hall, Sheppard stared into eyes that he knew held his future. "I love you."

"Oh hell, who needs a bed?" McKay groaned and pounced.

end


End file.
